My work-wife, Sonja Otwell and I love Jennifer Lawrence (who doesn’t?!?), so we wanted her to do labor and delivery too!
This is how I feel when the baby is born and the mother asks how much the baby weighs before the doctor even hands the baby to the nurse.
This is how I feel when I ask a patient if there’s anything else I can get for them, they say no, and then they press their call bell the moment I get back to the nurse’s station.
This is how I look when a patient tells me she can’t swallow pills.
This is how I feel when the patient’s water breaks while I’m performing a vaginal exam (which, by the way, is always an accident) and I feel warm fluid seep into my glove.
This is how I feel when a patient has two contractions in two hours at home and brings eleven family members with her to triage. And it’s her first baby.
This is how I feel when the doctor is sewing up a laceration and the patient’s husband says “add an extra stitch for me.”
This is how I feel when I pull up a patient’s gown to do a vaginal exam, and she has a really obnoxious tattoo near her nether region (slippery when wet, Tom’s toy-box, lick it before you stick it).
This is how I feel when a mom poops while pushing, asks if she’s pooping, and I lie and say no while I inconspicuously wipe it away (even though every single person in the room can smell).
When a primip comes into triage looking like this, I know she’s really in labor.
This is how I feel after that same patient gets an epidural.
This is how I feel every time a patient or their family asks me when the baby will come.
These are all the faces I make while my patient is pushing and delivering her baby (I feel like I want it as bad as she does).
This is how I feel when a 34 weeker tells me she is tired of being pregnant, and 34 weeks is “almost term”.
….and when she sees the face I make she is quick to tell me her first baby was born at 34 weeks and “did just fine” and then this is how I feel.
p.s. I always want to say “she might be fine now“
This is how I feel when the doctor tells me to increase the Pitocin, even though the patient’s contracting every two minutes.
This is how I feel when a resident checks a patient and says she 3 centimeters dilated, and I forget to tell them that she was five centimeters when I checked her two hours ago.
This is how I feel when the patient says they couldn’t have done it without me.
This is how I feel when a patient apologizes to me after they deliver for the way they acted during labor.
This is how the patient feels every time I have to massage her fundus.
And this is how I feel right before I discharge the patient home and I have to find a way to explain kegal exercises.
I absolutely love my labor patients….the sweet ones, the normal ones, the young ones and even the crazy ones! Lots of love and laughter to all of my labor patients 🙂
Categories: For Nurses..., Nursing Humor