Jennifer Lawrence Does Labor and Delivery….

My work-wife, Sonja Otwell  and I love Jennifer Lawrence (who doesn’t?!?), so we wanted her to do labor and delivery too!

 

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This is how I feel when the baby is born and the mother asks how much the baby weighs before the doctor even hands the baby to the nurse.

 

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This is how I feel when I ask a patient if there’s anything else I can get for them, they say no, and then they press their call bell the moment I get back to the nurse’s station.

 

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This is how I look when a patient tells me she can’t swallow pills.

 

 

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This is how I feel when the patient’s water breaks while I’m performing a vaginal exam (which, by the way, is always an accident) and I feel warm fluid seep into my glove.

 

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This is how I feel when a patient has two contractions in two hours at home and brings eleven family members with her to triage. And it’s her first baby.

 

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This is how I feel when the doctor is sewing up a laceration and the patient’s husband says “add an extra stitch for me.”

 

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This is how I feel when I pull up a patient’s gown to do a vaginal exam, and she has a really obnoxious tattoo near her nether region (slippery when wet, Tom’s toy-box, lick it before you stick it).

 

 

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This is how I feel when a mom poops while pushing, asks if she’s pooping, and I lie and say no while I inconspicuously wipe it away (even though every single person in the room can smell).

 

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When a primip comes into triage looking like this, I know she’s really in labor.

 

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This is how I feel after that same patient gets an epidural.

 

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This is how I feel every time a patient or their family asks me when the baby will come.

 

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These are all the faces I make while my patient is pushing and delivering her baby (I feel like I want it as bad as she does).

 

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This is how I feel when a 34 weeker tells me she is tired of being pregnant, and 34 weeks is “almost term”.

 

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….and when she sees the face I make she is quick to tell me her first baby was born at 34 weeks and “did just fine” and then this is how I feel.

 p.s. I always want to say “she might be fine now

 

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This is how I feel when the doctor tells me to increase the Pitocin, even though the patient’s contracting every two minutes.

 

 

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This is how I feel when a resident checks a patient and says she 3 centimeters dilated, and I forget to tell them that she was five centimeters when I checked her two hours ago.

 

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This is how I feel when the patient says they couldn’t have done it without me.

 

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This is how I feel when a patient apologizes to me after they deliver for the way they acted during labor.

 

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This is how the patient feels every time I have to massage her fundus.

 

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And this is how I feel right before I discharge the patient home and I have to find a way to explain kegal exercises.

 

 

I absolutely love my labor patients….the sweet ones, the normal ones, the young ones and even the crazy ones!   Lots of love and laughter to all of my labor patients 🙂

 

 

 

 

 



Categories: For Nurses..., Nursing Humor

Tags: , , , ,

34 replies

  1. Love it! Preterm one could also go with, “I have a high pain tolerance.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow!! Has she been shadowing us and we just weren’t aware???

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ugh if she actually does do labor and delivery…………..man I don’t know how she can do it. I would be so grossed out the entire way and I would want to put the mother to sleep while I rip the kid out myself. I am never going to ever fit into that “supporting midwife” that I know I will never be.

    Like

  4. I’m not getting the comment above.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I too am a labor and delivery nurse of 10 years. I have been laughing hysterically reading your posts. Thanks for the laughs. You truly “nailed it” this time. One of my favorite questions from family or s/o is “So is there an epidural for me too?” I say with a straight face, “No, but I have an enema for you.” : D

    Liked by 2 people

    • Have you ever been assisting with an epidural with crazy – wicked menstrual cramps while thinking how wonderful it would be if anesthesia would hook you up, too!? 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Love it! 35 years of L&D and I could write a book!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I have been a labor nurse for 8 years and this is so awesome!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. My favorite…..like ever ever!

    Like

  9. Cracking up its sooo true all of it!!! “Im a L&D nurse thanks I need that laugh!!!

    Like

  10. The “extra stitch” one used to really get me too, but then I started responding by mentioning that men with very small penises frequently ask for that.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I was in with my second son and having an emergency c-section as the doctor determined he was too big to deliver naturally, my water had broke and I had already labored more than 24 hours. So I got the epidural and went to surgery. First before the dr got my son out he said he had to cut a little bigger than usual. Then when he got him out and handed him to the nurse they were all talking and betting on his weight and length. Dr said 9 pounds 8 ounces. Nurses said no he is at least ten pounds. He ended up being 11 pounds even and 24 inches long. I was not diabetic at all during my pregnancy either. The nursery had to go to pediatrics to get some diapers to fit him. I was curious what it all looked like while they were closing me up so I asked my husband what it looked like because he was watching the whole thing. My husband grew up going hunting with his dad and brothers so his response did not really surprise me but the nurses and dr it did. He said its just like gutting a deer. Needless to say when I went back to the same dr to deliver my youngest he remembered me really well and even asked about my son he had delivered. That was about 4 years later.

    Like

  12. When the dads would rrquest the extra stitch, onee of the docs I worked with used to respond, “how small should I make it”. Love this blog and this one was one of the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Reblogged this on CreativlyErin and commented:
    I love it

    Like

  14. LOL! With my 2 yr old- my water broke as the nurse was doing a vaginal massage. I felt a POP and she was like ooo! your water just broke! And with my soon to be 11 yr old, I had the funniest nurse. When she went to do the initial exam when I arrived, she saw my pierced clitoral hood- she laughed and said “you’re just full of surprises!” hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh dang. So people think I’m lying when I say I can’t swallow pills?! I know I sure wish I could!! :/

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. JJ Watt Does Labor and Delivery | Adventures of a Labor Nurse
  2. Jennifer Lawrence Does Labor and Delivery…. | Adventures of a Labor Nurse
  3. Jennifer Lawrence Does Labor and Delivery…. – Adventures of a Labor Nurse
  4. JJ Watt Does Labor and Delivery – Adventures of a Labor Nurse

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