This is how I feel when a patient is covered with tattoos and then tells me she’s scared of getting an IV.
This is how I feel when I get report on a patient, and she immediately needs an epidural, fresh ice, more pillows, and her pad changed.
This is how I feel when a doctor gets angry that the correct glove size isn’t on the table.
(p.s. doc, I don’t set up the sterile tables!)
This is how I feel when a patient’s family asks me for the 100th time when the baby will be born, I finally make up a time, and then the baby is actually born within a couple of minutes of my educated guess.
This is how I feel when I’m asked to crawl around on my hands and knees and try to insert Cytotec rectally under a sterile drape in the OR.
This is how I feel when a patient tells me she can “still feel everything” after getting an epidural, but she’s not screaming and withering around, like she was before the epidural.
This is how I feel when a patient’s blood pressure drops after her epidural, the baby crashes, and I scramble to fix it before the doctor sees the strip and calls a STAT section.
This is how I felt the one time I lost heart tones, went to adjust the monitor, and the baby was in the bed: (I was in the bathroom for THREE minutes! And in my defense, she was 2cm an hour before, was barely contracting, and she wasn’t complaining of any pain or pressure!)
This is how I felt when that same mom said “I thought I felt something between my legs”.
This is how I feel when night shift tells me that a patient is 7, I pull back the blanket to check her, and the baby is crowning: (well played night shift, well played)
This is how I feel when I tell night shift a patient is 7, and I know by the time they check her, there’s a big possibility the baby might be crowning: (um, but my table is set-up!)
This is how I feel when a patient asks me if they’ll be able to push a baby out with a catheter in, and I have to explain that there is more than one hole down there.
This is how I feel when my mom delivers with one push, does not require any kind of repair, and her baby gets 9/9 apgars.
This is how I feel every time I leave work after a ton of deliveries, endless amounts of charting, and constantly trying to please doctors, patients, their families, and my boss.
And again, this is why I go back.
I think one of these is from ‘Lord of the Rings’ 🙂 but it’s true, I think it’d be so cool to be a labor and delivery wizard!!! Anterior lip?! Poof! GONE. OP baby?! Taaaadaaaaa! LOA.
L&D can be physically and emotionally draining, some doctors are easy to work with and some make you want to poke your eyes out, and sometimes you’re lucky to eat for the first time at 4 o’clock (if at all!)…but the moment the baby is born makes everything worth it. Even though we don’t always see eye-to-eye, all of us want what’s best for mom and baby. And that’s why we all come back the next day 🙂
Categories: For Nurses..., Nursing Humor