It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, you’re just tired. And it’s not anything close to a normal kind of tired. You are somewhere between exhausted and auto-pilot. Before you had a baby, you could never manage to take a nap during the day. Now, you get 5 minutes of quiet time and you’re nodding off when you’re getting your eyebrows waxed. That’s right, that’s happened to me You know what I’m talking about.
It takes you 45 minutes just to get the kids and car ready to leave. Diapers? Check. Wipes? Check. Extra clothes? Check. The list is endless. There’s this healthy fear that whatever it is you forget at home, you will instantly need at the absolute worst time. Think…in a public restroom with no baby changer, up to your elbows in baby-poo, when you realize you don’t have another diaper. Or worse, wipes 😦 Some women never have a hair misplaced on their head and their baby sleeps when they’re supposed to and doesn’t cry in public and barely moves when you’re all at the dinner table. Some women never leave the house unprepared or without absolutely anything and everything they’d ever even think of needing. Maybe you’re that mom, pulling off the illusion that you are all organized and together. And maybe you are, but I have thanked God more than once for a barely-wet diaper or for extra wipes found in the trunk of my car 🙂
You plan any and every outside-the-house-event around your child’s sleep schedule. And this is if you’re lucky and have a baby that actually likes being in their car seat. And by “likes” I mean they fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving. My son would scream nonstop the moment we put him in his car seat, so I had to plan on leaving 2 hours before I was actually supposed to be anywhere, because after an hour of crying he’d finally wear himself out and fall asleep for his hour-long nap (score!). And then I’d have to play how-slow-can-you-go-without-stopping-the-car, or else he’d wake up and ruin the rest of my day. Once I got good at this though, success! He was easier to manage when he was well-rested.
You have mastered the art of backing away from your child’s crib. And you back away in the dark, barely breathing, in a room where toys and books are the booby traps, with an ability to open and shut their room door in complete and utter silence. Unfortunately, any other kids in the house do not have your level of skills. So you go around shhh-ing everyone, begging them not to wake the baby.
You refrain from anything that makes noise at night. You stop showering at night and loading the dishwasher or the washing machine for fear of waking up the baby. You’ve also managed to master the art of that as silently as possibly. You know what I’m talking about if your partner puts a pillow over your face and it has nothing to do with 50 Shades of Grey and everything to do with a tiny human being in the next room with sonar hearing
Your nipples leak. They start to leak when your baby cries. Or when any baby cries. Or when you just see a cute baby. Or when any baby gets kind of close to you. Or when you think about wanting another baby. Breast pads become the best invention ever made.
Your hair that you use to blow dry is now in a pony-tail or bun. Messy buns are in, right? (Not my kind of messy) I’m one step away from getting the mom-cut. Until then…man, where’s a hair band when I need one!
Your purse has been replaced with a bag that screams baby! You swore you’d never do it. You bought the expensive diaper bag in an attempt to make all the crap you have to carry look cute. But then one day it hits you: this baby just keeps getting bigger and keeps needing more and more stuff. And then you look at your expensive diaper bag, the one that you told yourself you would take care of, and realize that there’s no way it can fit all the junk you need, and you’re tired of freaking out every time anything spills or gets close to spoiling the bag. Ugh. It’s not that cute anyway and it still screams baby!
You spend time weighing the pros and cons of alcohol. You’re fine without a drink, you don’t miss it that bad. You don’t think you’re supposed to drink and breastfeed. You see on Facebook that a glass or two of alcohol wont completely devastate your baby, so you google how much you can drink and still safely breastfeed. You consider buying those tester strips to measure the exact amount of alcohol in your breast milk, you know, because you’re responsible and all. God, you could really use just one glass. That would really help you get a good night’s sleep. You deserve a night with your girlfriends and a bottle of red wine. You decide to nurse your baby before your drink and then again once your buzz wears off, because Google says that’s okay and your neighbor confirms it. Your partner likes the way you act after a glass of wine and then you worry about surprisingly ending up pregnant (again). Ok, I don’t need a glass that bad.
You have at least a 100 pictures of your baby on your phone at this very moment. It doesn’t matter if your baby is only a couple of days old. You may have thought it was annoying before you had kids, but now you have been enlightened. Everything they do is so cute. Every expression is different. And they have your mouth (or his nose)! It’s so adorable, and you just can’t stand it so you need to take a couple of (more) pictures to prove just how awesome this baby is. Don’t worry…I get it 😉
Until my next delivery ❤